The Splinter In My Mind

This blog originally aired here 9/6/10.

As I reread it I thought of all the life changing things that have gone on since then.

Could it have been the result of pursuing the SPLINTER?

I remember the day, if not the date, I prayed something like; I might not completely understand it(Holiness) Lord, but I want to, if you said to be it, that means we can. And no matter what it takes I want to be what you want me to be.

Well....

After 9/6/10;

March 2011 my wife and I went on a dream trip to New York City to see The Allman Bros Band at Beacon Street theater(my dream not hers).

A grandson, Tobias, was born April 1, 2011 and we began to raise him full time in June of that year.

That same month, I moved on from pastoring, after 11 years, to find what God wanted for/from my life.

Four months later I was diagnosed with Head and Neck Cancer, and went through Chemo and Radiation treatments, losing 40# in the process and eating through a tube in my stomach while curled up semi-permanently on the couch watching endless episodes of you-name-it on History Channel.

My writing gene shut off with the diagnosis, I haven't a clue why, but I'm grateful it returned with my health.

The SPLINTER IN MY MIND however. did not shut off.

Jesus told us to be perfect just as our Father in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:48

Peter quoted the Old Testament verse “Be Holy for I Am Holy” 1 Peter 1:15-16

The word holy is printed on the front of your bible. Did you ever wonder how a book could be holy, no matter whose book it was? Maybe it was placed there by King James to scare the hell out of the huddled masses.

Anyway, this word Holy just wouldn’t leave me alone. Like Morpheus told Neo about the Matrix,

“What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. 

You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. 

You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.“

I love God with “all” of my heart. In fact, I have devoted my life to serving Him. I pastor(ed) a somewhat odd collection of saints, we are small, but very cool. I live my life to see people come to know this God who has so freely, extravagantly and sacrificially loved me. I really have no other goals in life but to see the kingdom of God expanded and sinners rescued, at the same time like most of you, I also must struggle to get through this world and make the ends meet somehow. God is a tremendous provider, but that does not exempt me from the struggle and the trial. To carry on this earthly struggle without it overcoming the heavenly struggle is a huge, if not immense challenge that has sidelined more than one saint. As I said, this word and thought from God just won't leave me alone.

“HOLY”

For me it’s one of those things of God that church just can’t satisfy. At church you can learn about it, hear great sermons about it, respond to altar calls in tears, but it seems to end there. Church never can satisfy the itch of what God is really leading us to (Remember the splinter in the mind). This must be worked out between me and God alone in the darkness of a great foggy unknown.

Many people start down that road with God but very few continue to find out what is past that cloud a hundred yards down. 

     God and church become some kind of panacea to cover the burning need for God without really getting Him. Church, then becomes some kind of anesthetic for the pain caused by that splinter in our mind that keeps beckoning us down the rocky path that we can only see a few yards and a few moments ahead.

Unfortunately, most choose the safe path, the one with all the road signs marked off, that is well maintained, nice bright street lights to mark the way with Burma shave signs along the way that promise us promotion, success, health and wealth.

     I have decided that I will take the unknown rocky road (not the ice cream). I believe God is in the cloud beckoning us to plunge into Him. He displays his power in the whirlwind and the storm. The billowing clouds are the dust beneath his feet. Nahum 1:3 (NLT)

Hijacked!

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,

Nor have entered into the heart of man

The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

I can see all the heads nodding, and even hear a few hearts thumping at these beautiful words found in the bible. Heck I'm standing on my seat jumping up and down. 

     We've all heard them, said them, or dreamed of them when we were going through a particular hard time. 

Perhaps, you merely heard the words come across a pulpit as the preacher brought you to a place of faith. But, if you only focused on these words, which most of us do, you would miss the beauty and also difficulty of what is really going on.

I say that yours, mine,and our natural reason and fleshly desires have hijacked the true purpose of The Apostle Paul's words as he penned them.

Now if you only want to be tickled by scripture rather than filled with truth, STOP READING NOW, tuck the verse away like a feather and bring it out only when you FEEL bad and/or are plagued by troubles. 

SO SINCE YOUR STILL HERE?

Indulge yourself in a little tickle then put the feather away, because I want you to see what is really going on(and it's much better than a feather).

Step back a little and see how verse 9 starts;

But as it is written:

Meaning, he quoted it from the existing Hebrew scripture at the time.

Isaiah 64:4 (I used KJV  here since it treated this best)

For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear,

neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee,

what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him.

Even there our mind (if you're like me) clips the verse and forgets 'that waiteth for him.'

Wait, as it is used here is not the same as sitting around hoping this happens.

Wait was used in 1611 for the Hebrew word חכה which sounds a lot like clearing your throat.

חכה Has within its meaning, to long for and adhere to.

Which presupposes a person who is longing for God more than just a better day.

Paul goes on in First Corinthians 2:10

But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God.

Oh that big BUT gets in the way of what our hijacking flesh wants it to be doesn't it?

Now, it becomes more than a healing, more than more money, more than forcing the world to go along with our short-sighted plans.

Now, it's talking about our insides, not the parts the surgeon sees, but the unseen heart where God wants to live.

The hijacker doesn't want our plane to go there, because then he would be done for.

     Not convinced yet? Lets go to 1 Corinthians 2:4-8 which qualifies the quote.

I'm paraphrasing;

Verse 4 Paul says he doesn't want you to hear his words, but the Spirit behind the words.

Verse 5 so that your faith is not in how much you or your pastor know, but in the 'power of God'.

And then he goes on to eloquently state that truth/wisdom is more caught than taught.

'But as it is written:' from verse 9 is more well stated in the New Living Translation-

'That is what the Scriptures mean when they say,'

which now holds us to a read of the surrounding verses.

He doesn't leave us hanging at, But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God.

Paul continues to explain that he doesn't mean money, power and prestige, but the things of the heart.

The one trying to hijack the truth for its own purpose is not the Devil, but our own selfish desires.

If we follow them we will miss out on things the,

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,

Nor have entered into the heart of man (more than you can imagine)

The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.

We have a hijacker aboard our lives who masquerades as a passenger and even the pilot at times.

Romans 7:23

but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight(of spiritual things and God's Law which is Spirit). Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

We've been HIJACKED!

Galatians 5:17-18 The Message

For there is a root of sinful self–interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law–dominated existence?

Lets kick the hijacker out of the plane without a parachute, so he cannot live to ride another day.

Choose to live and seek the truth of God revealed to us by His Spirit dwelling within us.

Jesus said, The Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. -John 14:26

 

Forward Facing Faith

I want to have a living breathing faith that grows and moves ahead, but to do that I need to move myself forward or at least lean that way.

BUT, there does seem to be something treacherous going on in me because I find I like the idea of moving forward more than the actual working faith that it will take to do it.

I don't want to stay the same, yet I want to change without things changing around me.

Bottom line, I do not want to stay where I'm at today in my faith,

no matter how good that is, but especially true if it's a bad place.

This requires a constant leaning forward, a looking up ahead to things that will be and not being content with the Status Quo no matter how comfortable that seems to be at the time.

Like the Apostle Paul said, and he accomplished enough for three lifetimes,

... I keep going on, trying to grasp that purpose for which Christ Jesus grasped me. My brothers, I do not consider myself to have grasped it fully even now. 

But I do concentrate on this:

I forget all that lies behind me and WITH HANDS OUTSTRETCHED to whatever lies ahead I GO straight for the goal – 

my reward the honour of my high calling by God in Christ Jesus.-Philippians 3:12-14

There is a price to pay for NOT moving forward that is greater than the cost of proceeding forward, for faith once it has been birthed in a soul never really dies nor will it be denied.

In the bible, very often growing trees and flowing rivers are used to describe a growing and flowing life.

If the tree isn't watered and tended it withers, dies and turns to fertilizer.

The river if it stops flowing turns into a swamp and only snakes, lizards and crocs live there.

The cost of moving forward is the tree being occasionally trimmed which hurts but causes continued growth. And, the rivers can and will flood their banks from time to time. The waves will get boisterous and come near to drown us, and some things will come to a painful end, but the seeds from these must be buried deep so they can one day grow into the great shade trees they were designed to be.

We're not the people we were twenty years ago or even yesterday, and it will take a lot of leaning into the wind and rowing against the tide to get us to our tomorrows. 

I couldn't see it back then but as I look back now I can see that a Forward Facing Faith no matter how much, fear, sweat and sacrifice has been worth it.

To stay the same would have been a life filled with regret. 

Nobody wants that.

We need to strive for life rather than just survive.

Breath of Forgiveness

How many times do we read the bible and say to ourselves, "Sure, He was Jesus or He was God"?

How easy is that to shift the blame or responsibility, in a twisted sort of way. ? Again and again Jesus tells us to forgive, and if we don't, by the way, we can't be forgiven ourselves. Oh, how bad do I want that not to be literally true!

Before Jesus died, he often used the phrase, "or my Father in heaven won't forgive you."

Matthew 6:15

But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Try not to look now, but Jesus said that right after, and within the same breath of telling people how their prayers should look. Now called the Lord's Prayer, but really should be called Our Prayer.

Even while a representative segment of the world's population, lead by His Chosen people, beat, maimed and crucified Him. He still wouldn't let up on this topic.

Jesus said(while hanging from a cross), "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing." And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.-Luke 23:34

He found this as easy as breathing, for even after He had died and His closest friends were cowering in fear, He shows up, walking through the walls no less, and breathes on them.

He tells them to receive the Holy Spirit, but then still not letting up on the forgiveness thing, tells them to forgive and if they don't nobody gets forgiven.

Within the same BREATH He told them,

"If you forgive anyone's sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. "John 20:23

So whether dead, alive, risen or dead we are to forgive and it's to be as easy and common as breathing.

Lord help us All!

What Doth Hinder Thee?

Ok, it's not the catchiest title, what with the Old King James language and all, but this is a sermon I heard at least 21 years ago, and that's at least part of my point.

That sermon rocked me and it was sticky, what all sincere Preachers of the Gospel hope, strive and pray for.

I don't even remember for sure who preached it, but I still recall the fragment of scripture the Preacher used as his tag line, a modified "what doth hinder me to be baptized?" Stripped down to its core idea, what doth hinder me?

Acts 8:36

And as they went on their way, they came unto a certain water:and the eunuch said, See, here is water; what doth hinder me to be baptized?

From a story in Acts Chapter 8 of an Ethiopian driving a chariot and reading the Hebrew scroll of Isaiah, he senses that it has more meaning and Phillip a disciple of Jesus comes along, miraculously, and explains it. This leads the man to faith and a desire to complete his belief by the rite of Baptism.

His question to Philip is, does anything prevent me from going through with this? To which he replies, “If you believe with all your heart, you may.”

And he answered and said, “I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.”

The preacher the day I heard this message (then as a recently converted and excited follower of Christ) was asking in essence, "What keeps you from believing all the way?"

"What keeps you from going all in?(all in with this "Jesus Stuff" as my detractors have called it")

Is it your present sinful condition?

Is it your doubts, fears and worries?

Is it your fear of losing something and gaining nothing?

Is it your worry over what people will think?

Jesus has an answer for all of these, and I can tell you from my experience as a disciple in the church for ten years followed by eleven years of starting and pastoring a church in a city foreign to me (but still in the same state) and now two years after leaving that church to another man to continue,

I still ask myself occasionally "What doth hinder me?"

Now I ask you "What doth hinder YOU?"

Guiltless

Guilt- a word that immediately conjures up in us our darkest deeds or at least our most embarrassing. Five little letters that have the power to force us to spill our darkest secrets at the merest sight, smell or lightbulb flash of memory. Five characters that have driven men(or women) to drink, divorce and worse. 

Guilt, it can't be weighed on the highest tech scale, yet it weighs more than the Titanic and is strapped seemingly irremovable to our backs by the strongest cables winched to our heart and anchored in our soul.

When we condemn ourselves for failure or actions, more often failing to act which is called regret, we have judged ourselves on a scale of human standard or the lower mean and letter of God's law versus the higher standard or the spirit and intent of His law.

We in grievous error weigh ourselves with our own inferior scales and not through the lens of God's attitude toward us.

John 8:11 Jesus(the Truest judge and judge of us all) tells the woman , the truly guilty woman deserving of death, "neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more."

Hebrews 10:10

...God's will was for us to be made holy by the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ, once for all time.

Who are we to argue, but oh we do don't we, before God?

     "But God I really am guilty!"

If we could stop our own thoughts long enough to hear God's, we could live truly guilt free lives, and isn't that the essence of personal freedom? We could have this freedom in the deepest dungeon or the meanest of circumstances.

Incomprehensible Love

To say 'God Loves,' is at once a huge statement of cosmic import, and a supreme oversimplification of how God feels and acts towards His beloved creation.

I man, can only partially comprehend and/or apprehend the truth that the god of creation loves us more than, and with qualities,we can only vaguely grasp.

The bit or crumb, of God's love, that we CAN grasp is so utterly marvelous that it takes senses in us we don't fully understand or appreciate, and so fail to enjoy and make full use of the fact (in reality more than a mere fact) of God's love.

To carry that sense of His love as more than fact or even simple feeling can and will carry us through the toughest of circumstance and compel us to carry that message to the uttermost parts of the earth, even if that happens to be right next door.

Just as to ‘believe’ in the Greek sense is more than ascension to His being, reality or truth. Actually meaning is knowing trust and confidence in.

So too, God’s love takes something more to grasp (more than blind ascension).

Reading this we sense the truth of it yet don’t know how we do it.