The Splinter In My Mind

This blog originally aired here 9/6/10.

As I reread it I thought of all the life changing things that have gone on since then.

Could it have been the result of pursuing the SPLINTER?

I remember the day, if not the date, I prayed something like; I might not completely understand it(Holiness) Lord, but I want to, if you said to be it, that means we can. And no matter what it takes I want to be what you want me to be.

Well....

After 9/6/10;

March 2011 my wife and I went on a dream trip to New York City to see The Allman Bros Band at Beacon Street theater(my dream not hers).

A grandson, Tobias, was born April 1, 2011 and we began to raise him full time in June of that year.

That same month, I moved on from pastoring, after 11 years, to find what God wanted for/from my life.

Four months later I was diagnosed with Head and Neck Cancer, and went through Chemo and Radiation treatments, losing 40# in the process and eating through a tube in my stomach while curled up semi-permanently on the couch watching endless episodes of you-name-it on History Channel.

My writing gene shut off with the diagnosis, I haven't a clue why, but I'm grateful it returned with my health.

The SPLINTER IN MY MIND however. did not shut off.

Jesus told us to be perfect just as our Father in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:48

Peter quoted the Old Testament verse “Be Holy for I Am Holy” 1 Peter 1:15-16

The word holy is printed on the front of your bible. Did you ever wonder how a book could be holy, no matter whose book it was? Maybe it was placed there by King James to scare the hell out of the huddled masses.

Anyway, this word Holy just wouldn’t leave me alone. Like Morpheus told Neo about the Matrix,

“What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. 

You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. 

You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.“

I love God with “all” of my heart. In fact, I have devoted my life to serving Him. I pastor(ed) a somewhat odd collection of saints, we are small, but very cool. I live my life to see people come to know this God who has so freely, extravagantly and sacrificially loved me. I really have no other goals in life but to see the kingdom of God expanded and sinners rescued, at the same time like most of you, I also must struggle to get through this world and make the ends meet somehow. God is a tremendous provider, but that does not exempt me from the struggle and the trial. To carry on this earthly struggle without it overcoming the heavenly struggle is a huge, if not immense challenge that has sidelined more than one saint. As I said, this word and thought from God just won't leave me alone.

“HOLY”

For me it’s one of those things of God that church just can’t satisfy. At church you can learn about it, hear great sermons about it, respond to altar calls in tears, but it seems to end there. Church never can satisfy the itch of what God is really leading us to (Remember the splinter in the mind). This must be worked out between me and God alone in the darkness of a great foggy unknown.

Many people start down that road with God but very few continue to find out what is past that cloud a hundred yards down. 

     God and church become some kind of panacea to cover the burning need for God without really getting Him. Church, then becomes some kind of anesthetic for the pain caused by that splinter in our mind that keeps beckoning us down the rocky path that we can only see a few yards and a few moments ahead.

Unfortunately, most choose the safe path, the one with all the road signs marked off, that is well maintained, nice bright street lights to mark the way with Burma shave signs along the way that promise us promotion, success, health and wealth.

     I have decided that I will take the unknown rocky road (not the ice cream). I believe God is in the cloud beckoning us to plunge into Him. He displays his power in the whirlwind and the storm. The billowing clouds are the dust beneath his feet. Nahum 1:3 (NLT)